She Remembered
by theAuthorsama
Summary: In Asami's eyes, being the Avatar's lover is the most painful description yet to be attached to her name.
1. Chapter 1

Asami Sato - genius, billionare, one of Republic City's heroes. One more word and she would be close to a particular comic book superhero.

The heiress was loyal, both to her company and to her friends. The citizens of Republic City would not think of her as someone dishonest, dating someone behind her lover's back. Because she is dating the Avatar and she is an influential figure in the city - what more could she need? But even though she gave Korra her pleasant smiles, loving gazes, and burning touches, the Avatar have always known that she was not the only one receiving those from the young CEO.

"For how long did she know?" The heiress asked herself in a harsh whisper, looking at the cold, empty space beside her, sheets still ruffled from when the Avatar left in silent rage.

Asami have always known the ways of a noble. She was bred for the part seeing as both her parents are powerful figures in the business world. She has seen forced smiles, tired eyes, and suspicious glances. She have done those things - she still does, claiming that they are all included in the special recipe for an event's success. Though bustling with people and full of medley from bands, Asami was her loneliest in these events. The Avatar had accompanied her once or thrice, depends on the level of intoxication. She would often opt to have fun and drown the misery of not having her lover with bottles of foreign alcohol. She remembered when she was dating Mako that just a sniff of alcohol sickens her stomach. When she's without the Avatar, she would often hear herself mumbling "not anymore".

She always understood that Korra was a busy person. She travels the world and fights villains of all sorts on a daily basis. But it's not enough that she understood the Avatar's schedule- she also needs to be included there. "Am I not important enough?" She remembered asking Korra in a drunken stupor, when she landed on the balcony already past midnight.

She also understood that Korra does not have the world's most enduring patience. "Asami, I'm tired okay?" She remembered the Avatar walking away from her, one afternoon as she repeated the same question. It broke her heart that Korra was indecisive. That the wise Avatar does not know the answer.

She also understood that Korra has a lot of things in her mind. Being the Avatar, her duty was to protect the world. But sometimes, Asami wonders if she is still part of that world the Avatar is protecting. "Do you still love me, Korra?" She remembered whispering against the Avatar's raven locks, her hands trembling, hesistating to touch her lover as Korra's back was facing her. It was one of those nights that Korra actually went home on time and in bed with less agitation than usual. She remembered a slight rustle of their blanket as Korra turned and faced her. "Of course, 'Sami," Korra had said, her azure eyes lacking the luster that Asami have always loved.

It was always her answer, making Asami anxious with a thought inside her head that does not want to go away. _'Why can't she say the words?'_

She remembered that she would either drown herself in work or in alcohol during those times that the Avatar would not come home. She tried coping with inventing and tinkering in her workshop, she tried working out in her gym, and she tried racing in the tracks around her estate - but none can make her heart any lighter.

Through all of her mess and fits of drunkenness, she met someone else. Someone that actually gave her the time she so desperately needed, the affection that she craved from her estranged lover. It was nothing sort of magical, a small part of her mind concluded that she was just drawn to this someone was because of utmost desperation. It was at a ball celebrating Varrick's and Zhu Li's third wedding anniversary.

A calling from the dance floor and several sly exchanges of smiles later, she was in the arms of General Iroh.


	2. Chapter 2

Korra - the Water Tribes' Chief's only daughter, and also the famous Avatar. Besides being the hero of the world, she is also known to be fierce, aggressive, and extremely persistent. Despite her shortcomings, people have always followed her, listened to her, and loved her. She was the Avatar after all, savior of the needy. She remembered Bolin telling her that _"You're the real Nuktuk, Korra, in this mover called Life."_ She remembered smiling at him then, with all the happiness that she once had. Her azure eyes bright and so full of life. She remembered people, citizens of different nations, cheering and waving their hands frantically above their heads in glee.

They were all there for her. For the Avatar.

In those moments, she would bite her bottom lip in realization. Avatar Korra was not the thinking type of person but one thought as persistent as hers kept surfacing in the forefront of her mind everytime she sees appreciation for her work. _'Are they thankful of me or the Avatar?'_

The thought was like piercing daggers threatening her heart. She can take the stabs but she cannot live with the aftermath. Korra had thought, that she now knew why Avatar Aang wanted a simple life away from duties in his early realization. She wanted people to see her as her, as Korra. But she knew, the people do not need her, they do not need Korra, they need the Avatar, in whoever the Cycle landed on. In her early years, she wanted nothing but to embrace being the Avatar, she wanted the fame and the thrills of combat. She craved for the freedom and the public's gratitude.

She wanted nothing but approval. Although her enormous boulder of a pride cannot admit it to anyone, she knew it in herself. All she did, all her training, all her sacrifices - they were all to please the people that expected the glory of being the Avatar in her. She wanted so desperately to meet and exceed those expectations of her. She does this all with the same piercing daggers multiplying itself whenever someone calls her by her title tightly clinging on her birth name. It was both a ridicule and a praise. She thought she understood really well - she realized that it was not enough that she understood.

Korra realized in the depths of her despair, that she was nothing but an empty vessel of a savior. Every good and praiseworthy thing that she had done were all the workings of Raava. It was never hers. She was just a passing by mortal shell of human emotions in the Cycle. A way, out of hundreds, to bring peace, balance, and harmony to the world, for Raava.

There is this unending heavy fog of doubt settling in her mind, doubt in herself. She doubted her efforts to deliver Raava's power to those who need it. The same heavy fog would descend down her chest, suffocating her and reduce her to sobbing fits of agony. Hot angry tears would spill down from her once lively irises. Irises that once gleamed with hope for the world.

She was out of balance, she knew. She remembered during this times of hopelessness the words of Toph Beifong.

 _"Get over yourself. The world doesn't need you one bit,"_ she remembered her lecture. She remembered feeling small with all the authenticity of all the old master's words. She knew Toph was right. But someone reeled her back to the other version of reality. Someone with a cup of tea in her hands cradling it for the Avatar one cool morning.

 _"I brought you some tea. I thought you might be cold out here,"_ Korra remembered. She was a daughter, a leader, a protegé, the Avatar. But none of those defines her as herself and no one loved her better outside of those words than a particular raven-haired beauty.

"Asami," she breathed. The words drifted along the cool breeze of the night. A shiver of electricity ran down her spine, not from the cold but from guilt. "What have I done?"

Korra remembered the way she lashed out with unsaid words out of Asami's bedroom. The bedroom they shared. She remembered feeling pure envy, pure rage- like Vaatu was reborn in her. She remembered Asami's tears, how they glinted and sparkled, streaming down her porcelain face bathed in moonlight. She remembered the feeling of helplessness, how she cannot control her own rage, how burning tears fell from her own cool irises. Like there was fire, liberated and not in control, inside her, burning her conscience and reasoning in its melting anger. Burning her compassion in a way far from the first nights that they shared the bed as lovers. Melting in each other's embrace and exchanging deep breaths.

It was not the fire of passion.

The Avatar had her mind in all sorts of worlds, worlds with their own complex problems. She would travel the world with all the Airbenders to spread the light of Raava. She would wander so much, much longer and farther than she would like. "But I'm the Avatar," she remembered that she would say, repeatedly, defeaning. So far away from Asami. As the distance between them became the numbers of days that she would not come home, the longing for her lover eventually faltered.

She used to think that her personal life mattered little to nothing against her role as the Avatar. Her motives were lost in translation. All she had now was her rage fueled by jealousy and selfishness as she found out that something changed in Asami.

Korra was perched on the high temple of Air Temple Island, overlooking Republic City with bloodshot eyes weary from crying. She let her feelings consume her. She fell down with reality crashing upon her like tidal waves on an unprepared shore. She had let Asami slipped away because she had no time. Because she was the Avatar. Because she was not herself. Asami fell in love with Korra. Asami did not fall in love with the Avatar. And she was glad, overjoyed in the earlier days of realization. But it dawned on her countless times that she was not Korra, she was the Avatar that has a duty to the world. How Avatar Aang managed a separate life was a mystery until it hit her.

Asami has her own separate life aside from saving the world alongside her. She was not a bender. She knew it then but did not know how that would impede their love. Until now.

With the Avatar occupied with worldly affairs, facing criminals on a daily basis, she cannot hold Asami's life against the young CEO. She wants her to be happy, even if she was not the source. Korra had let go. And someone else was there for her.

A calling for a private practices and several subtle questionable remarks later, Korra found herself lost in another set of gleaming jade irises. She found herself pulled, like the tide of the oceans during a full moon, towards the deceitful lips of Opal.

* * *

A/N: It really hurt so terribly when writing this one, typing it down. I'm really sorry but I have a story to tell. Also, my gratitude to those who left their reviews :)


	3. Chapter 3

Asami gripped the ruffled sheets and brought them close to her heart. She stayed in a fetal position for most of what is left of the evening. Her eyes were heavy as her heart is. She kept staring at the balcony, hoping for any sign of the Avatar's return, for any strong gust of wind to tell her that she is back. That she loves her again.

She considered fooling herself again, that Korra was just busy doing things that only the Avatar could do. She considered giving in to intoxication, heaps of bottles hailed across the nations for their strength just waiting for her, tempting her to give in to misery. She considered living a lie like she did six months ago.

 **Six months prior**

Asami Sato with all her glamour and honor has entered the grand hall. Painted lips turning to polite smiles, manicured hands making the most graceful of gestures, emerald eyes gleaming with enthusiasm - she was the epitome of both beauty and success at such a young age in Republic City. Men and women would look at her with awe as she walked and waved. Numerous officials of high ranks greeted her with glee, congratulating her on her success even though this was not an event of hers or an event thrown for her. It was Varrick's and Zhu Li's third wedding anniversary.

"Happy wedding anniversary to the both of you," she remembered smiling widely upon seeing the couple stride towards her, Varrick as lively as ever. "Do I sense myself becoming a godmother months later?"

Varrick laughed, with pure joy in his eyes. "Asami, you sure are great. You got that right, Sato!" Zhu Li welcomed her with a warm hug. She remembered, everything was just warm that day. "He's three months old now. Strong hold, says the doctor," Zhu Li said lovingly as she had her hands on her abdomen.

She remembered a very caring atmosphere in the party. "Asami, where's Korra?" The wife had said, a tinge of excitement in her voice. "Yeah, where is she? Can't wait to tell her her godmother status! Tenzin and his family have already returned!" Varrick exclaimed, loud enough for his wife to elbow him lightly.

Asami's eyes lit with joy, she felt so secure. ' _Korra is here!'_ She remembered her heart pounding. _'After six long months she's finally home.'_

"Are they here?" Asami grinned like an idiot, professionalism be damned, her lover's here. "Where are they?"

"Whoa slow down there, tiger shark!" Varrick put his hands up levelling his ears. "The party is still young so we haven't welcomed many guests yet. You're actually just the fourth one in this..." He motioned his hands to let her see the massive crowd. "...amount of people here!" Zhu Li smiled at Asami reassuringly. "I'm sure they're here, Asami. I mean, who would want to miss this?"

She remembered congratulating them again and excusing herself afterwards to find Korra. Her eyes kept darting here and there with the slightest of adrenaline, her nobility be preserved in the eyes of the public. Her legs doing quick aerobic walks inside the skirt of her gown while maintaining posture. It was hard work until she spotted familiar deep red and orange hues in a single set of garment. _'Tenzin.'_

She remembered Ikki's gymnastics of facial expressions when the little airbender recognized her from the crowd as she was approaching them. "Asami's here!" Ikki had gleefully screamed, Meelo turned to see. "Beautiful lady!" He had commented. Jinora only smiled at her with the nobility of a bending master, she had Rohan in front of her, smiling as well. Not long after did Tenzin and Pema turn around and saw her, unexplainable expressions on their visage.

She remembered bowing down to hug both Ikki and Meelo who practically ran towards her. "It's nice to see you both so grown up," the young CEO smiled. "Ready to be airbending masters like your sister?"

"Jinora doesn't know what's coming at her!" Meelo exclaimed, fist pumping in the air. It earned him a playful roll of eyes from Ikki who just replied with, "pretty sure it's air." Asami remembered laughly softly at the kids' comedy and looking up when a tall shadow engulfed them.

"It's good to see you, Asami," Pema hugged her. "How are you?" Tenzin said, smiling.

She remembered telling them a very brief summary of what happened to Republic City and to Future Industries during their leave. "...and I am terribly missing Korra," she remembered sheepishly adding, eyes downcast.

"About that..." She remembered looking up and seeing Pema's apologetic look, her hand gentle on Asami's shoulder. "I'm afraid you won't see Korra until after a few months. She's in the Northern Air Temple with Opal," Tenzin said with an equal expression to his wife.

Jinora looked up to the young CEO. "Opal's been training really well. She asked Korra for extra lessons on airbending. I think she's going to master it by the end of the year," she told her softly. "I'm sorry, Asami."

She remembered replying a defeated sigh. She remembered not having letters from Korra nor having any reply for any of her letters sent to Korra. And now the Avatar is not even present. She was both sad and frustrated, but of course she wouldn't show it. Not in front of them.

She gave them a weary smile and politely excused herself, saying that she has investors to deal with. She remembered their smiles, smiles of pity. She hated feeling pity but now she just wanted to be left alone. There are no investors to deal with tonight. She remembered, she lied for the first time to Tenzin and his family.

* * *

Korra sighed for the umpteenth time, ocean blue irises turning to stormy gray. She was tired of crying, what's left of her are her defeated broken pieces of sanity. The city clock at Avatar Aang Memorial Island had just announced to the city the dawn of a new day. The present Avatar only looked at the city, guilt in her eyes. "I can protect the world from others, but I can't protect her from me."

"I have no right to be mad at her," she whispered. "This is all my fault."

 **Six months prior**

"Master Tenzin," she remembered Opal bowing upon Tenzin's arrival. "I have studied all of there is to know about our culture and its history. You can test my memory."

"Very well, Opal," Tenzin gave the airbender a gentle smile. "Korra is right about you. You are very determined, just like your aunt."

"With less of the fury, Tenzin," she remembered herself chuckling as she approached them. "I'd say she's more like Suyin."

Tenzin nodded, "I suppose you're right, Korra. She is the mother after all."

She remembered Opal's focused expression, how she answered fluently and directly. She's just like Jinora, she recalled, only more stunning. She could get lost in those emerald eyes of hers and don't mind it at all. She remembered looking away, feeling the creeping hands of guilt and disgust tugging at her. She remembered feeling fear and confusion. She was afraid of what her thoughts could do. The Avatar left the temple with a pained expression, she knew these thoughts have been pestering her ever since she has been assigned with Opal's airbending training. There is no denying however, she knows that there is some kind of tension between her and her student.

She found herself sitting on a cliff. She tried keeping her mind busy by bending small tornados on her hands, rustling the nearby trees with small gusts of wind - anything to get her mind off of the green eyed airbender. She thought of Asami, of all the letters that she had received from her. How the nonbender had missed her, from the words of Asami, she knew that she had been longed terribly.

Korra found herself with nothing to write whenever she tries to reply, ink only wasted staining pristine parchments. She cannot lie to Asami, saying she was alright. Saying that she loved her still. She does but...

"Korra," a soft voice called for her. The Avatar did not bother to look up, she knows very well whose voice is it. "I have talked to Tenzin about mastering airbending. He said that I'm fortunate to have you as my mentor."

Opal took a sit beside her, arm snaking on Korra's own. "Especially at the offensive and dominating techniques," she added, slyness does not go unnoticed. Korra still had her head and eyes staring ahead, never wanting to look at Opal as she lays her head on the Avatar's shoulder.

"Bolin doesn't have to know," Opal whispered, ghosting her lips on Korra's jaw.

 _'Neither does Asami.'_ She knew she was weak.

* * *

Hours rolled like dragon turtles crossIng the sea shore for Asami, agonizingly slow. She remembered feeling guilty of the amount of glasses of alcohol that she has finished. Korra's absence fueled her temptation to just get herself drunk, to drown herself to sleep. To drown the thought as persistent as her temptation is, _'Does she still love me?'_

The young CEO cannot help but think with suspicion. She cannot help but wonder what Korra and Opal would be doing when training is done for the day. She cannot help but wonder what other kinds of training would they be doing during the nights. _'No, Asami. Stop. Korra's loyal and Opal has Bolin.'_

She kept saying that to herself, hoping to relieve her of her worries and suspicion. She remembered that it did not.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when someone approached her with a raspy voice, a gentle smile, and a waiting hand. "I cannot help but notice such a long face on a person of beauty." It was General Iroh of the United Forces, with all of his regality. His maroon uniform complementing her deep red evening gown. Asami found herself weak in his gold irises, somehow melting her like the element of his nation.

She found herself smiling at him, genuine and carefree. She found herself taking his waiting hand. She remembered being taken to the dance floor. She remembered feeling more alive than months ago. She remembered feeling safe in Iroh's arms.

Asami remembered Iroh with her for the past months, him sneaking to her place. She remembered feeling guilty. She remembered feeling drunk, but not in alcohol, but in someone else's embrace.

She remembered feeling the burning sensation in her loins, in her quarters, on her bed. It was not neighbouring nations that the Fire Nation royal was conquering - it was her body.

 _'Korra doesn't have to know.'_ She knew she was weak.

* * *

A/N: Thank you to all those who left their reviews! They make writers like me alive, breathing while typing down our stories :D


	4. Chapter 4

Asami Sato watched the waves as they caress the hull ever so gently, they were not crashing against the ferry but letting it pass through them. Setting then free, liberating them from the holds of the sea. But she would remember that in the slightest of storms, the gentlest of waves can be the most forceful against ships.

Impulsive and persistent. She remembered a certain someone. How she fights and how she reacts. With her fists like the waves, caring around her, and her eyes like the sea, deep blue and calm. But in storms the fists would come crashing and her eyes would get dark. But Asami loved with all her heart, with all that she can give, and she wished that she can give her the time that she needed. She cannot and she did not.

The raven-haired gripped that wooden rim of the ferry, painted gold with care. She remembered Iroh and his teasing smiles. How they were alluring. Tempting her out of nowhere, like snakes in a jungle. The price was venom and it tasted like defeat. She succumbed to her senses and temptation lead her to taste the passing nights of a warm bed. She sold herself for several nights of comfort only to feel betrayed.

She remembered how she would tell Iroh that she has his child. She remembered how she would tell others. She cannot hide it forever. She remembered Korra. She felt filthy. She was disgusted by how she acted while her lover was gone. How the burning desires of the nights turn out to be the fire from inferno, punishing her for her impulses.

Asami laid down a palm to her abdomen, feeling a slight swell. Feeling life would emerge. She felt sorry for the unborn, their parents were makers of mistakes.

"Miss Sato, we have arrived."

A man's deep voice awakened her from her thoughts. She smiled at the air acolytes and gave them her thanks.

She strode down the board and on the docks. She turned around and saw the ferry ready its sails to head back to the main land. Anxiety wants her to go in, to return. She knew it would eat at her fears so she resumed walking to the entrance of the island. Rubber heels scraping against the wood of the docks, she was nervous. This was not her usual way of walking. She remembered attending and leading meetings with the high ranking officials before, none of them caused her to feel the slightest bit of vertigo. The Avatar can do numerous things to the world, this is what she can do to the person who thought of her as her world.

Once she was right in front of the temple entrance arch, she released the breath that she never knew she was holding and inhaled deeply, nerves in chaos. That was until she saw Ikki.

The young airbender might be annoying to some but her noise had become welcoming and endearing. Asami supposed that this was because she has become close to her family, nevertheless, she gave the young one her smile. She waved her greeting at her like she never had a mind somersault just seconds ago.

"Asami!" Ikki had practically squealed her name as she crashed towards her with a hug. "It's good to see you!"

The young CEO hugged the airbender back with the best her bundle of nerves could muster. "It's good to see you too, Ikki."

"You're nervous!" Ikki had let go to look at the guest, her smile turning upside down but turned to an even brighter smile in just seconds. "Oh you're going to see Korra, aren't you?"

Asami just looked away. She held her left arm with her right hand. She knew her eyes must be showing her guilt, eyes downcast and dim. But knowing how young oblivious Ikki was, she could only offer her a weak smile. "It's okay to be nervous. Here, I know where Korra is!"

Ikki offered her hand and when Asami took it, she sprinted at once to the meditation pavilion. "I bet she'll be thrilled to see you!"

 _'I bet she wouldn't,'_ Asami only thought forlornly.

* * *

A/N: Thank you all for reading. Extra thanks to those who left their reviews! Special shout out to Amateraszu: Hey who told you about my plans for this story huh? Hahaha! Lara Grey and lalalalee: Thank you both for your support. Reviews are any author's fuel!

Have you guys read about Korrasami fanfics with love dilemmas like this one? Please lemme know!


	5. Chapter 5

Korra inhaled for the umpteenth time, the calming sea breeze calming her bundle of nerves for just a bit. That was until she remembered sly, green eyes. She gritted her teeth, brows almost meeting. She took a deep breath and exhaled it as a master airbender would. She closed her azure eyes, fixed her lotus position, and flexed her arms, knuckles against each other.

Then the same emerald eyes slithered back in the depths of her meditation. Charming irises, soft caresses, lingering kisses. They were all the fruits of sin. She knew. She knew very well. She knew when she took the apple and even though she was reluctant, she was stupid enough to bite from the devil's hand. The devil with familiar beguiling, emerald orbs.

A gentle and warm hand snaked to touch her tense and cool cheek. She gritted her teeth once more, although the touch was calming it was not welcome as she was trying her best in meditating. "Ikki I swear if this is one of your pranks, I will-"

"You will what, Korra?"

At this, she snapped her eyes open. Green. She saw a long robe of green. She tilted her head up and she also saw green. Sad eyes, she noted, not the usual sly ones. "Opal."

Opal smiled but it never reached her eyes and Korra missed the crinkle of youth in them, although she would never admit it. "Here, I made you your favorite tea," the airbender offered, her hand clutching a warm earthen cup. "It's the one you would always request in Zaofu."

Korra sat up, her azure eyes never leaving the emerald ones. She held the offered drink in her own hands, feeling its warmth against her coolness. Opal's eyes started to waver, she broke their gaze and looked away towards the sea. Tears started to form, the forest that was her eyes was now flooded. Korra forgot her want for tea and settled it down on the wooden rail. Her hands moved forward, wiping the tears, despite the wishes of her heart.

"You're going back home tonight," Korra said, softly. She cannot help but feel longing. She knew it was wrong. She always did.

"It's not just that. Korra, I..." Opal broke into a fit of sobs. Uncontrollable, just like what their passion was. Was.

Korra pulled the airbender close, hugged her like she was not guilty. The fragile girl sobbed against her chest, clutching her blue tunic in her slender hands that Korra once held close to her heart. "I know, Opal," the southerner hugged her tighter, muffling the cries of her companion. "I'm sorry."

"No!" Opal pulled back, pounding her fists on Korra's chest. "No, Korra. I should be the one apologizing."

Korra loosened her grip but she never left Opal's arms. She held her there, taking each hit, her own tears forming and betraying her. She knew she was not strong. She knew. Opal wiped the rolling tears down Korra's cheek. "I'm sorry, Korra. I really am. For all of this, Korra I caused you anguish. I never meant to but I did anyway."

She held Korra's face between her palms, her thumbs wiping the tears streaming down. "Because I wanted it, Korra. I'm guilty. I wanted you. I wanted us," she chuckled with remorse and looked away. "But I remembered Bolin. His warms hugs and goofy grins. I knew then that I love him and what you and I had..." She looked at Korra's ocean irises. "All we had is a fleeting desire. Lust for longing during our times of duty. It was never real."

Korra smiled, never reached her eyes like Opal missed seeing. She let go of the young airbender. "I agree. We were weak then and we thought we were as free as the element we were bending. We never were," she wiped her own eyes one last time using the heels of her palms. "So I guess this is goodbye huh?"

"It definitely is, Avatar Korra," Opal wiped the remaining tears with her robe's sleeves. She looked up at her mentor, green eyes a little bit brighter than earlier. "I am honored to had been your appentice and friend."

Opal leaned on her, eyes closed, and brought their lips one last time. It was short, sweet, and sorrowful. Before Korra could react, she found her apprentice running away from her and towards the dormitories, her tears anew. She opted to call her name, to run towards her and seize her in her arms again. As her mentor. As her friend.

Not long after, she heard a girl yell. "Opal! Korra, what did you do?" She turned her attention towards the source of the high-pitched voice. It was Ikki. But before she could reply, she saw Ikki ran off to find Opal. It was then that her blue eyes found green. Different kind of green but familiar all the same.

"Asami," Korra had muttered her breath.

* * *

A/N: For clarification, this takes place three years after the end of the series, seeing as Asami attended Varrick and Zhu Li's third wedding anniversary. Next chapter will be released very soon. I'm already halfway done! My deepest thanks to those who are still reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

Asami looked at her estranged lover with an unreadable expression. She was hurt, angry, sad, confused, jealous, and surprisingly, delighted. She was still happy amidst the scene that she just watched. She was still happy because she saw Korra. She still loves the bender, although there is not much of a commotion, she would still catch her breath at the sight of her. Spirits does she love the Avatar.

She smiled at Korra as she approached her inside the pavilion. She took notice of the smell. Zaofu chai. Opal was indeed here. At the back of her mind, she was still denying what she just saw. She was beyond shocked, but she is not going to say it. Opal and Korra. _'I should have known.'_

"So, you and Opal," Asami said with the gentleness of a caress. "Who would have thought? Because I didn't." She watched Korra flinch at her words, she found her nerves flaring once again, not with anxiety but with new found ire. Korra felt like she was just slapped.

Korra knew there was at least a feet between her and Asami, but somehow she felt constricted. She knew it was guilt. She knew. How dare she got mad with Asami's affair when she herself was guilty of the same crime?

"Some mentor you were. Jinora told me that Opal was aiming for mastery. Tell me, is she a master already?" She sneered, and Korra tasted the venom of her rage.

"Asami, I apologize-"

"Tell me, Korra. How much were the lessons? Because I can afford it," Asami bit her lip to fight the rising tears. "Was it worth it? That the price was our relationship?"

Korra could only look down in shame. She had an internal speech of apology for Asami, she had thought of it for days. But now she could only cower, her words snatched by the retreating waves of the sea.

"Tenzin told me that you were reading my letters and now I know why you never even bothered to reply to any one of them!" Asami's tears were streaming down her face freely now. Somehow it felt nostalgic to her. She was doing this before she met Iroh. The tears were her chasers before her drinks every night that she would die to see and hear from Korra. "Because your hands are doing something else rather than reply to me when I needed you!"

The engineer broke down, her legs became weak and she fell on her knees on the cool wood of the pavilion. This was not a part of her plan. She did not forsee that Korra was seeing someone else. She trusted her. She was beating herself up over the thought of her shameful affair. She was here to apologize. For the first time in years, she felt utterly betrayed by someone outside of her temptations.

"I needed you, Korra. And now I'm stuck because I still do," she closed her hands and put them close to her heart as if mending its brokenness. "I can't stop that. Here I was punishing myself because I made you hate me. There I was thinking that you're just fulfilling the duties of being the Avatar," she paused, searching for guilt in Korra's blues. She found them at the forefront. "I hate it but I still love you. It hurts but I still do."

Korra fell on her knees then, her strong arms encircling her breaking love. Asami only cried harder, allowing herself to be held. She buried her head on the bender's neck, her cared, manicured fingers clutching her lover's tunic. She noticed despite the blur of her vision, the dampness of the cloth. Someone had already leaned on Korra. _'Opal.'_ Even in Korra's embrace, she would share.

"Asami, I'm sorry," Korra ran her hand on Asami's back, trying to calm her down. "I have no right to be mad at you when I'm guilty of the same crime. I'm sorry."

"You deserve her."

"Huh?" Korra was startled. The grip that Asami had on her tunic loosened, her palm rested on her rapidly beating heart.

"Opal. You deserve her," Asami pulled back, she looked away, tears would stream against her wishes as usual. "She's a bender, after all. She can help you bring balance to the world. I can't do that. I have a company to run and a city to build. You..." She turned and smiled at Korra. "You need to travel. I have my day offs and you can't have one without people staring at you with daggers. I'm just...a rich nonbender. I have nothing to offer to you, Korra."

Korra gritted her teeth. _'This is what I've done to her.'_ "Asami, that's nonsense. You're amazing. Without you, I-"

Asami stood up abruptly, she ran a hand through her locks and wiped the remaining tears. She steeled herself. "I get it, Korra. Don't shower me with words of affection. They got me once."

"Does this me that we..." Korra said, tremble in her voice and terror in her eyes. She had seen this scenario play repeatedly inside her nightmares but in person was still terrifying.

"We're long gone, Korra. You should've known that when you first let Opal in," Asami turned and walked away. Her hands forming to fists beside her. She never wanted to go, it was hurting her pride. But she had come to an understanding that Korra, Avatar Korra, only had time for people who are always there. Who can always be there. She cannot be one of those people, no matter how much she loves her.

The other dilemma was, she was bearing a child of the Fire Nation crown prince. She does not wish for a broken and confusing family for this child. _'This child does not deserve the cruelty of my mistakes.'_

Korra just stood there, left in the pavilion with her eyes following the business attire clad engineer. She snapped out of her shock and she ran towards her. Korra had to admit that what Asami's message was true. _'I only had time for people with me. But Spirts do I love her after all this madness.'_

The wooden planks of the docks creeked with wear against her boots as she ran towards Asami. The engineer quickened her pace, determined to leave the island before she changed her mind, before her heart starts calling. "Korra, let me be. Please."

"Asami wait please I-"

"Do you still love me?" Asami snapped. She halted and turned her body to see Korra crumbling to pieces and wide-eyed.

"Yes. I do, Asami," Korra managed to say after seconds and strode towards her with caution. Asami froze as the bender reached for her face. Her palms, rough and worn from battle but tender and warm all the while. "I love you, Asami."

She missed this. She missed hearing it. After all these years, she finally heard it. "Korra, I..." But she has Iroh's child. Korra does not deserve to have the burden of a parent. She is the Avatar, worlds are her priority. She cannot be chained with material responsibilities. _'This is my problem. I have to deal with this. This is my punishment.'_

"Asami, please," the mighty Avatar's voice growing desperate. "I can forget about Iroh and what happened. I can forget about finding his military uniform that night." _'I can't,'_ Asami thought.

"I can forget it all, Asami. I'm sorry I lashed out when I'm also fucked up and hazy with crazy nights with someone else laying on my bed. I was a monster. I have done my duty to the world, yet I can't do my duty to you."

"Korra, you don't have-"

"Yes I do, Asami. I have a duty to you and because I neglected them, I have pushed you so far away from me. At least Iroh made you happy," her voice dropped with regret. Pain. "He did what I was supposed to do like what Kuvira did to the Earth Kingdom while I was gone. You had to fill the void. I understand."

When Asami did not speak, Korra continued, her hands held Asami's tight and tender. "I was gone. I fucked up. I was weak for seduction. Opal was a drug to me when I had the same void. I was tired of responsibilities and she made me feel...myself again. But guilt was our penalty. We strained the good friendship that we had. I can never face Bolin with the same happiness. I'm really sorry..." Korra pleaded. "Please. I want to start over. I missed this. I missed you."

Korra looked at her, she just made the master of all elements plead for her. It was supposed to be glorious, a boost of ego. The Avatar can have her way in all of the nations but not to her. But not to Asami. Definitely not to the penalty Asami was holding.

The engineer cast her eyes to the ocean waves, steeling herself once more but finding no cure to the active nerves of anxiety.

"Iroh's child," Asami finally looked at Korra straight in her azure eyes. "I'm pregnant, Korra."

Korra froze. Her eyes widened in the mixture of rage, sympathy, and disbelief. It was like a slap of a freezing hand, like she was bathed in cold water. Cold sweat coated her body. Petrifying. Her muscles became tensed and sensitive to the touch. Asami knew when she removed her hands from Korra's hold to touch the bender's arms.

"I'm sorry. This is my penalty and I..." Asami hesitated, her hands resting the growing bump on her abdomen. "I can't have you chained with responsibilities for my mistake."

Korra followed where Asami's hands rested. _'Iroh's blood is there. His kin, not mine. Not in a million lifetimes.'_ She cannot think of coherent sentences of how to address this problem wisely. _'No child is a mistake. This one is debatable.'_

"Does he know?" She blurted out.

Asami looked down on her abdomen. "No, not yet. I'll tell him tonight."

 _'Tonight,'_ it felt like a jab to Korra's spirit. _'They will be seeing tonight. They will have a family. And Opal just left you.'_

Korra tried to process what she just heard, although they were just several words, they were sharp jabs in succession.

"Iroh is twice our age and already has a family. That's how desperate I am when you were gone," Asami chuckled darkly. "I never dreamed of becoming a mistress. But his child needs him.

"He has a responsibility to your child as well and age is just a number-"

"That's what I thought about the growing miles between you and I when you were gone! That they're just numbers," Asami snarled. "That's what I thought about the letters I sent you! That they're just papers. That's what I thought about my desperation! That I was just being horny those nights when I'm actually craving for you! I thought that if I can get someone to make me feel alive, to fuck me, that I would feel like myself again," Asami watched the approaching ferry. "I thought I'd love Iroh. I didn't. I only wanted him when I was missing you."

Her forest green eyes glanced at the ocean blues once more. "Our time together has ended. This child needs a family. Outside and broken, but still, a family. I know what it feels like to be abandoned by a father."

Asami smiled ruefully at her as she boarded the ferry. She gave a curt bow to Pema as the acolyte descended towards the docks.

Korra was just frozen in place the second time. Her wide eyes were filling with tears always against her will. She watched as Asami's figure disappear in the distance. She watched as Pema came, enveloping her in a motherly embrace, seemingly understanding the break up that just happened.

For the first time, the Avatar felt the most powerless. No bending, no spirit can save her now.


End file.
